11 January 2013
shy and awkward and happy that way
"it's always about me being an idiot and struggling with other human beings in the world. it's not coming from a place of hate, it's coming from a place of, ultimately, deep love… ha ha ha HA!" - simon amstell
in less than a month i'm going to be standing on a stage again. pete is going to be standing about five feet away from me on my left, and hopefully we'll be performing some of our songs or maybe hosting a quiz or answering questions from the audience. at least i hope we're doing something. i hope we're not just standing there. that would be weird and awkward.
sometimes i find it difficult to talk to other human beings. not the ones i know, although i do find it difficult to talk to them sometimes too. but mainly the ones i don't know. i was in new york just before christmas and i realised how useless i was at talking to other human beings. anyone watching me trying to buy subway tickets or order food in a restaurant would think i was a tourist fumbling his way through a foreign language, or one of those people who have been kept locked underground for thirty years. i think the people i was talking to mainly assumed i was from a non-english speaking country. or maybe another planet. i mumble and talk into my hand and generally make it impossible for people to understand me. i don't know why i find it so painful and it often surprises people. i guess it seems odd that i would be nervous and shy when i'm trying to do something relatively ordinary, but then i have no problem standing on a stage in front of strangers and doing all sorts of quite ridiculous things with my arms and legs. but i'm not alone, and it was comforting to watch numb and hear simon amstell talk about how he's awkward and incapable of talking to people but seems to have no problem talking when he's on a stage of some sort, "raised and lit" as he put it. that's it completely. i don't know why i find it easier but i do. i can talk to anyone about anything when i'm up on stage. i might have to start carrying a small portable one around with me.
so, a few tickets are still available if you want to see us raised and lit up in london next month. alternatively you could just come up to me in the street and try to speak to me, but i can't promise i'll make any sense.
i'd go for raised and lit. it's the best way to see us.