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09 November 2010

getting in shape


"when we lose twenty pounds we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have. we may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty." 

- woody allen 


i need to get in shape. we're going on tour in less than a month and i'm still carrying some studio pounds. i never know what to wear for exercising, so i think i need to go on a diet. but i'm having trouble deciding which one to do. it needs to be one that works quite fast, but that takes into account that i don't really like fruit and the only bits of salad i like are the lettuce and the onions. also, i like bread and cheese. a lot. 

so. i'm thinking of doing the pea diet. that's when you just eat peas for every meal. it sounds a bit boring, but i do really like peas. probably in my top three favourite vegetables. maybe even top two. after potatoes. still i'm not sure how healthy i would feel after only eating peas for a month. it might be quite depressing and i might be quite weak afterwards. i think i need to expand on it.

i like the idea of the wine diet, because you can eat anything you like as long as you only drink wine with it. which sounds amazing. i thought i'd made the wine diet up, but then i found a whole book on it. i'm not sure if it's the same thing though. it doesn't mention eating chips and it seems to be all about drinking red wine. i don't really like red wine. my wine diet just involved eating everything you normally eat but not drinking cider. god, dieting is so difficult. i could go to weight watchers i suppose. but i've looked at the website and it all sounds quite serious and mathematical. i'd probably have to wear loose fitting clothes and weigh myself in front of other people. that doesn't sound like much fun. i might as well exercise if i'm going to do that.

perhaps i could cut out potatoes and pasta and rice and bread and cheese. they seem to be the main problem foods. but then i'm pretty much just left with sweets and peas. that's probably something i could do though. just eat sweets and peas. the sweet pea diet. it's even got a good name. the food standards agency website suggests i eat "a healthy balanced diet that contains a variety of foods including plenty of fruit and vegetables, plenty of starchy foods such as wholegrain bread, pasta and rice, eggs and lentils and some dairy foods." so if i did the sweet pea diet i guess that means i'd have to eat a wide variety of sweets and preferably fruit flavoured ones. pick n mix then. or perhaps some of those bargain buckets of halloween sweets i keep seeing reduced everywhere.

right, that's it. it's settled. for the next month i'm only eating sweets and peas. the weight should just drop off. maybe i'll even write a book about it. i'm going to be in such great shape for the tour.



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