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06 June 2009

i am a dj i am what i play


i always wanted to be a dj. on the radio. not in night clubs or anything. i never wanted to do it in front of other people. i don't want to see how disappointed everyone looks when i play something. i don't want to see them lining up bored along the walls. i don't want to see them not dancing. not enjoying themselves. not enjoying listening to the things i love. i tried it once and it was horrible. i ended up playing young folks twice just to try and keep people happy. no. i think i'd rather just imagine someone is listening even if perhaps they're not. i can fool myself quite easily. i know i only end up trying to appease everyone if i can see how they're reacting. so i think if i was a dj it would have to be on the radio where i couldn't see anyone who was listening, and i would have to have a show in the early hours of the morning. i'm too melancholic to be a breakfast dj, and i'm not lively enough after the three o clock wall to do drivetime. i'd like to be like jack killian, but without all those weirdoes calling in. just playing records. 

and because coming home on a friday night with a bag of seven inches is still the most comforting and quietly exciting thing in the world for me, i thought perhaps once a week i would spend the early hours of a morning pretending i really was a dj and blipping some songs i love and would want to play to the whole world if i wasn't so afraid of the world not liking them.

if you want to listen then you can. and if you don't want to listen then i'll never know.