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20 May 2009

the red notebook


this morning i found an old red notebook of mine that i kept from when i was seven until when i was about nine. i thought at first that it might have all the details of my experiences with the communist party from around that time, but it turned out to just be a list of all my top ten favourite various things. i'd update the lists every couple of months, even though nothing ever really changed between lists. from it i learnt some quite interesting things about my nine year old self.

my favourite tv show was bonanza at the beginning of the notebook and neighbours by the end.

i hadn't watched enough films to be able to think of ten so it stops at eight.

even though all three of the members of bananarama featured in my list of top ten female vocalists, my favourite member seemed to be keren woodward. which is ridiculous, because siobhan fahey was clearly the best one, even if keren did go on to marry andrew ridgeley.

weirdly, number two on my list of top ten favourite female singers when i was nine was danielle dax, and my number five favourite song was big hollow man. i have no memory of being a danielle dax fan at all. sandie shaw and petula clark were in the top ten. which was nice to see. although number ten was shirlie holliman. i guess i knew as many female singers as i'd watched films.

my favourite song was mack the knife. consistently number one on any list of favourite songs throughout the red notebook. and although i remember it being my favourite song, it seems weird now because i don't remember ever listening to it much. it doesn't mention which version i preferred, although i seem to remember having a seven inch of the ella fitzgerald version. i think i liked the idea of mack the knife being my favourite song more than i actually liked it as a song. i don't remember when it stopped being my favourite song, and when bright eyes began being my favourite song. and now when i think about it i wonder if bright eyes really is my favourite song, or if i've just got so used to thinking it is that i haven't noticed that i don't listen to it anymore. i wonder if perhaps the story of the blues parts one and two is my favourite song now. i might have to write a new red notebook and bury it in a box for me to find in another twenty years. except perhaps i don't suppose i'll change much in that time. no. i think i'll be like this forever now. i'm too old for new passions.


14 May 2009

home after three weeks away


i haven't written anything for a few weeks. i couldn't write anything after my friend asked me if i ever thought that perhaps i might have a certain amount of words in my brain, and that that was all the words i would be able to use for my whole life. and he asked me if i was worried that i might be using them all up writing blogs and tweets and answering emails and that i wouldn't have any left when it came to writing the next album. so for a few weeks i wanted to write some more lyrics, just so there's something for the next album if i suddenly run out.

there's a documentary on wuthering heights by sylvia plath on bbc four in fifteen minutes which i wanted to watch, but i just wanted to write something today, because if i didn't write something it might be another week before i did, and i would start thinking that after a month of not writing anything the next blog i wrote would have to be spectacular because i wouldn't have written anything for a while. and i just can't live up to those sort of expectations.

i never could.